Let’s set the tone now… the word “sorry” is grossly overused.

We say sorry when we don’t mean it and it happens more than we know. When you’re stuck in an awkward situation and you need to deliver bad news, then usually “I’m sorry” sneaks its way into the conversation. In reality you never wanted to go on a date with that person, go to a 6am yoga class with a friend, or get drinks with that co-worker outside of the office. Whatever the case is, the more we say “sorry” when we don’t mean it, the more the word loses its value.

Yes, being genuinely apologetic is a skillset that we should all work to master, however having the skillset of being true to self is equally as important. I discovered that I’ve sometimes apologized just to save my perception in the eyes of others, even when I wasn’t truly sorry. It’s egocentric when you think about it, because the inner-workings of a false apology are designed to makes us feel better about not being sorry. Even worse, it subtly forces the other person(s) into a corner of forgiveness whether they like it or not. Have you ever heard an “It’s okay, don’t worry it” that reeks of sarcasm and resentment? Exactly.

As we continue this behavior our apologies lose steam and stop going as far as they once did.

The challenge that I’ve set for myself is to stop. Stop apologizing by default and spend more time being honest with myself and others. The benefit is that by doing so, I’m allowing others to get to know me better. The real me. The me that doesn’t want to go to your cousin’s birthday because it really might not interest me. We don’t have to say sorry for that nor do we need to give exaggerated excuses. It’s time to become more comfortable with being honest with each other, even when it hurts. Save those apologies for when you really mean it, if you don’t already. It’s okay to explain your rationale/thoughts as a substitute, if needed. You (and others) might learn something about yourself in return. Your real “sorries” will hit harder than usual – just wait.

-JO